About two weeks ago I answered the phone, and my mom asked what I was doing and if Chris was home yet. At the time I was rocking Evie in her nursery, and Chris was with Adelaide. She said she was glad I was sitting down, and then so bravely said the words, "Kristin, I have Cancer. Ovarian Cancer."
Nothing can really prepare you to hear that your mom has cancer.
My stomach turned, my throat clenched, and the tears fell. Then I started to analyze every recent interaction with her. Was there anything that I could have done differently? Should I have gone to the doctors appointments she had been having, trying to determine why there was swelling in her legs? Did she know how much I love and appreciate her? How thankful I am?
I knew I couldn't change what had, or had not, been done. I just needed to be with her. So I headed for an extended weekend in Hutch with Evie.
Over the past two weeks I've become a student of Ovarian Cancer. The girls nap times are spent learning everything I can about this diagnosis in preparation for the many doctors appointments, as well as trying to anticipate her needs from an emotional standpoint. My entire family lives in a new normal, and it involves a lot of Ovarian Cancer.
(My mom, Adelaide and I with the personalized picture blanket my brothers and I made her for chemotherapy)
I have known that suffering would come, and that none of us are exempt from walking through the valleys. As one of my favorite authors, Jen Hatmaker, says in an excellent post titled, Why does God allow pain and suffering?....."If you haven't suffered, just live longer." Thankfully, even in the darkness, I have seen God show up in numerous ways over the past two weeks, and I can feel that Jesus is near. Many close friends and family have been so supportive and helpful, and my family is so thankful.
Today my mom begins chemotherapy treatments at KU Med in Kansas City. She is truly facing this diagnosis with such courage and grace, often repeating the "Bravely Onward" motto from the Fidelity Bank commercials (for you central Kansas folks). I know she can beat this awful Cancer, as tough as it will be. Please pray with my family. I am praying boldly; asking Jesus for complete healing, pain relief and comfort for my mom, wisdom for the medical team, and that we would continue to feel God's closeness throughout the entire treatment process.
I stumbled on this song while I was in Hutch, and found it to be so comforting. I share it here because I use this blog as a family journal of sorts, and I can tell that this is going to be my song for this season. Remembering that Because of his great love, we are not overcome.
"We Are Not Overcome"
by Bifrost Arts
Flesh will fail, bones will break
Thieves will steal, the earth will shake
Night will fall, the light will fade.
The Lord will give and take away
Put no trust in the earth
In the sod you stand upon
Flowers fade into dust,
The Lord will make a place for us
Because of his great love,
We are not overcome
Because of his great love,
We are not overcome
Have no fear for your life;
Turn your cheek, turn your cheek
Bear the the yolk of love and death;
The Lord will give life and breath
Because of his great love,
We are not overcome
Because of his great love,
We are not overcome
