It is hard to believe two months have passed since my mom's death. My mom was intertwined in our lives in the biggest and smallest of ways, and it is surprising how many things trigger memories of her. C.S. Lewis described grief by saying "Her absence is like the sky, spread across everything." This is the most accurate portrait of grief I have found.
(Christmas Eve 2015)
The relationship between my mom and I was both meaningful and complex. Like many teenage daughters, I challenged her and stretched her patience with sassiness. We were different in many ways, and there were plenty of times where I could not understand her approach. Thankfully our relationship changed with time, grace, and wisdom, and I am especially grateful that I was able to experience being a mother alongside my mom. Our relationship grew significantly closer after I became a mother myself, and again during her cancer diagnosis and treatment.
On my first Mother's Day as a mom I found this blog post by Ann Voskamp about creating a "Grateful Jar" for mom for Mother's Day. In the post Ann says "A bit of gratitude for the past goes a long way to redeem the past...Thanksgiving is always the gift back." Her message in that post resonated deeply with me, and I knew this was something my brothers and I needed to do. We each contributed our own gratitude notes for mom. Our notes of gratitude covered many things - from quizzing Bud late at night in preparation for the school spelling bee, to bringing Sam contraband McDonalds in the Hospital during his multiple battles with pneumonia, to staying at home throughout our childhood. We presented the jar to my mom at our Mother's Day brunch, and of course she loved it. She couldn't finish reading all of our notes at the table, we were in the middle of Union Station and black mascara was running down her face. Ann Voskamp was right, expressing our sincere thankfulness had gone a long way to redeem the past.
Even though my mom was battling Ovarian Cancer, her death was unexpected, and there are plenty of things I wish I could have told her. I know in time I will have the chance to say everything I want to - her faith was in Jesus, and we will be together again. There is immense peace in knowing that my separation from my mom is only temporary; it is the ultimate gift that Jesus sacrificed his life defeating the permanence of death. I still grieve her death, but I do not grieve without the hope. I have found that on the hard days, the only way through is with gratitude. Gratitude for the time we did share together, and gratitude for what is to come in heaven. Finding that blog post (and actually acting on it) back in May 2014 was no accident. God's hand was moving that Mother's Day, and I cannot express how very thankful I am that we pointedly celebrated and thanked my mom for specific things she did for us during our childhood and adult lives. I know that on that day my mom felt like she was truly seen and loved by my brothers and me.
This Mother's Day, I cannot encourage you enough to create the same Grateful Jar for your mom. Share this post by Ann Voskamp and encourage your friends to do the same.
The most important and meaningful gift you can give your mom this Mother's Day is your sincere love and gratitude.
The most important and meaningful gift you can give your mom this Mother's Day is your sincere love and gratitude.
(Mothers Day 2014, right before we opened the Gratitude Jar)
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My family is so thankful for all of the heartfelt prayers, messages, cards, meals, memorial contributions, and memories that have been shared since my mom's death. I have been particularly comforted by the memories that so many people have shared about my mom. One family friend shared that she first met my mom when they served on the KU Student Senate together (I had no idea that my mom participated in student senate in college!) And one of my middle school friends said she had fond memories of spending the night and how "cool" my mom always was. Jan, the organist at our church in Hutchinson, chose "Children of the Heavenly Father" as the prelude to the service because she will always remember my mom teaching the Czech verse of that very song. Until Jan mentioned that, I had forgotten it, but as soon as I read her message to my dad, we both choked up as that memory came flooding back. There are many more I could list. I so treasure hearing these memories and I plan to tuck them away to share with my girls someday. I only wish I could ask my mom about them; there is still so much more that I want to know.
