The Language of God

       This morning began with a coffee-stained shirt (mine) while I *tried* to take deep breaths amidst saying no and crushing dreams to start this particular day with tv shows. Parenting is the most humbling job; it could flatten me if I let it. It has also grown me in a way only parenting can, and the only thing I know for sure is that more growth lies ahead. Frederick Buechner’s book “Listening to Your Life” has been my morning coffee companion over these past two years. Buechner makes me feel less alone on this journey by naming much of what feels true through daily meditations; it is a “best of Buechner tour” taken from his lifelong collection of books, sermons, and lectures. 

    

    I found the entry on May 20th titled “Sound of God’s Voice” to be particularly perceptive: 

    

    “God speaks to us, I would say, much more often than we realize or than we choose to realize. Before the sun sets every evening, he speaks to each of us in an intensely personal and unmistakable way. His message is not written out in starlight, which in the long run would make no difference; rather, it is written out for each of us in the humdrum, helter-skelter events of each day; it is a message that in the long run might just make all the difference…he also speaks to us about ourselves, about what he wants us to do and what he wants us to become; and this is the area where I believe that we know so much more about him than we admit even to ourselves, where people hear God speak even if they do not believe in him.” 

    - Frederick Buechner Listening to Your Life, Sound of God’s Voice Meditation on May 20th

    Have you had an encounter with the sound of God’s voice? What whisper did you hear?

     God often speaks to me through nature and conversations - an encouragement or encounter at the right time. I could go on and on about songs that autoplay, books that become available at the perfect moment from my very long hold list, and even podcasts that have led me down rabbit trails of growth.

    Of course, the question is, can I even hear him over the noise of my life right now? What exactly is he saying?  

Connectivity Issues

     On our recent Spring Break road trip, the girls were trying to get Frozen 2 to play in my Honda, but as it often does, the technology was giving them trouble. "DAD! It says there's an 'internet connection error,' WHY WON'T IT PLAY!" The wifi was trying to connect to our home network instead of Chris's hotspot. As we pulled up to the gas station a mile from our house, Chris leaned back to take a look: "Turn it off and turn it back on. Now we're nowhere near our home; it should be able to find my phone's hotspot." I laughed because sometimes I feel this way about God: I must be miles away from home and have a complete system reset to find the correct frequency to connect to the Spirit. This may be the only moment I've felt a connection with technology.

     

On Staying Awake

     During COVID, we established Friday family movie night featuring the girls' choice of take-out, which became an anchor for our otherwise non-eventful weeks. The girls were finally old enough to watch some of our favorite childhood classics, and we enjoyed many movies together in the Spring of 2020.

    Cut to last night, a sunny Friday evening after a long week. I was ready to be outside with neighbors in our cul de sac. Adelaide had other ideas; she had been anticipating a Friday movie night. Admittedly, my attitude when it comes to animated movies is not stellar. Perhaps due to the direct correlation between animated films and my body selecting to power down for a lil' nappy nap at 7PM on Friday night. Movie night is the only time my body desires to nap. No dice if I lay down at 2PM on a Saturday, but if we gather for family movie night, I am nearly guaranteed to FALL ASLEEP because this is what my body does during animated films. Try as I might, I cannot keep my eyes open, even through a musical masterpiece such as Encanto, which my in-laws joined us for and bore witness to this phenomenon. What in the actual world is wrong with me? Cheers. 

    So last night I wanted to stay outside in the sunshine with my friends, but instead, my oldest baby, who is no longer a baby, asked to spend time as a family. I felt like a human child because I should want this family movie night. Also, I WANT to want this family movie night for so many reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that I just don't.

    As parents often do, I swallowed my preferences, came inside, grabbed my Papa Murphy's cheese pizza, and plunked down on the couch for the animated selection of the evening: "Ron's Gone Wrong." At one point, I look at Adelaide and see her pure, unencumbered joy, which is in shorter supply these days as we enter the pre-teen phase of parenting. I recall how Jesus told the disciples, "I will not be with you much longer," and consider how the disciples probably *thought* they understood what Jesus was saying but, in actuality, could never fully understand the weight of that moment with him until after he pulled the most fantastic party trick of all time. This is true for my parenting journey too. Friday movie nights will soon fade away, and there will come a day when Adelaide and Evie are not physically near us. Soon enough, I'll have Friday nights that are so free I'll miss the tension of these days. We laughed through the movie, and I, in a remarkable turn of events, actually stayed awake. Sometimes the more challenging path for me is living fully awake and making peace with the present moment. Could this in-the-trenches training be one of the unexpected privileges of parenting?

       

    

       

    

    

        

"Teach them to Swim"

Thursday nights, I take Evie to weekly swim lessons at The Jewish Community Center, affectionately called "The J." My family grew up swimming competitively, and as I walk into the indoor pool, the smell of chlorine strangely soothes me. 

As I sit watching Evie on the first night of lessons, I notice a large sign on the wall above the starting blocks.  This feels like strategic placement and a metaphor in its own right. I've been in this pool many times, and, surprisingly, I didn't notice it before - it's big and kind of impossible to miss.  

"The parent is bound to teach their children a craft. Some say also to teach them to swim." 

I've been turning these words over every week since reading them. Unable to read the Hebrew or Aramaic citation, the quote appears to come from the Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin 29a. Is this an instance of "when the student is ready the teacher will appear"? Whether it is or isn't, the quote grabbed me and I'm still pondering it.

What does it looks like to teach a child to swim?  What does it look like to teach a child a craft? More pointentedly, given the recent data from the CDC about girls and anxiety, what does it mean to teach a girl to swim in our current cultural moment? I can't stop thinking about it.    

  

On "Spring Break"

    It's "Spring Break" here in Overland Park. "Spring Break" could bring to mind a picture of happy children playing outdoors in short sleeves with sunshine. If you're a parent, you know that "Spring Break" is actually code for the third Winter Break in so many months. First, there is Winter Break 1, which is a full three weeks between December 15th and January 4th. Then, there is Winter Break 2, formally scheduled for February 16th - February 20th, but due to unforeseen circumstances, it is actually most of February. February features multiple school closings compliments of "hazardous road conditions from overnight snow" and chance encounters with the disease du jour. It should be noted that overnight snow never exceeded 2 inches and melted by 9 AM. It's enough to shut schools down for an entire day. Then add in multiple battles with this year's (very aggressive) Norovirus causing "squirty toots" for one family member (who shall remain anonymous), and I think you get the idea.  

    This brings us to "Spring Break."  For the record, the first official day of Spring 2023 is Monday, March 20th, the day my girls will be returning to school from "Spring Break."  For the record, the high for this upcoming Saturday, March 18th, is estimated to be a very brisk 31 degrees. For the record, the tulips and daffodils aren't even blooming, telling the truth about things. For the record, "Spring Break" is actually Winter Break 3.

  

Testing, Testing...Is This Thing On?

Hi!  Hello!  Welcome!  It's been...seven years...since I wrote a blog post.  Honestly, I'm lucky I even remembered my blog's website.  I came to this site unsure I could log in, but lo and behold, I'm in and typing!  Maybe a curious someone is reading?  So once again.  Hi!  Hello!  Welcome!

Why am I back here?  Why resurrect this corner of the internet that seemingly ran its course?  

The answer?  A little voice.

I write for the joy of it, and most of the time, my writing doesn't see the light of day.  I keep a journal full of morning pages, and at the beginning of 2023, I started earnestly working on a book.  This is the third book I've started, but the only one I've kept working on consistently over weeks and weeks.  As of today, I'm 14,000 words in.  To quote Seth Godin: "The goal in blogging/business/inspiring non-fiction is to share a truth or at least a truth as the writer sees it.  To not just share it, but to spread it and to cause change to happen."  

So here's to yet again building new habits and getting started.  And to the truth, at least as I see it.