Truly, Madly, Deeply? On Love.

    When you hear the word “love,” what comes to mind? Do you picture Savage Garden and the 1997 release of Truly, Madly, Deeply, or is that just me? I’m kidding, but only a little. In English, we don’t use unique words to describe the variations of Love we feel, so the word can be confusing. After all, my Love for my daughters differs from my Love for my spouse. In the end, though, Isn’t Everything a Love Song? The English language has its limitations.

    In a fantastic On Being podcast episode about Love, Alain de Botton explains, “The Ancient Greeks had a view of love which was essentially based around education…love is a benevolent process whereby two people try to teach each other how to become the best version of themselves.” This resonates. Love applies in so many situations when viewed through this lens. Perhaps the Greeks had a better understanding of how to express Love. After all, they used eight Greek words to help define our closest relationships. Here is a quick primer on the various ways the Greeks explained Love:       

• Eros: It is an overwhelming love understood as intense desire. It's probably fair to say “Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden describes Eros.
• Philia: the Love of a deep friendship and the Love between parents and children. The basis of philia is appreciation and fellowship. Perhaps the songs Forever on Your Side or You’ve Got a Friend in Me evoke this.
• Ludus: the playful flirtation among strangers found in Call Me Maybe.  
• Agape: selfless Love and universal kindness. C.S. Lewis called it “the highest form of Christian love.”  How Deep the Father’s Love for Us expresses the depth of God’s agape.  
• Pragma: picture an elderly couple sitting on a park bench. Pragma is a weathered and profoundly committed love, grown from understanding and patience. Johnny Swim’s song Devastating (and the accompanying music video) illustrates this well.  
• Philautia: Andrew Peterson’s song Be Kind to Yourself demonstrates Philautia.  Philautia is a compassionate self-love where your Love grows for yourself and, therefore, for others. 
• Storge is familial Love rooted in kinship and belonging as part of the family. Hello, Family by Drew Holcomb. 
• Mania is an obsessive and dangerous love that could lead to extreme behaviors.       

Each of these types of Love shapes us formatively. As I think about my soul, it would not be the same without knowing the intense wanting of eros, the ultimate kindness of agape, or the belonging found in storge. Each moment on earth is an opportunity to choose Love, and what are we here for, if not to become people of Love?  

Heading into Valentine's Day, Alain de Botton reminds us, “Love is something we have to learn, and we can make progress with, and it’s not just enthusiasm, it’s a skill, and it requires forbearance, generosity, imagination, and a million things besides…The more generous we can be towards that flawed humanity, the better chance we’ll have of doing the true hard work of Love.”

May our hearts be full of the "true hard work of Love" this Valentine's Day.